sometimes its just hard to figure things out. its just so pathetic i cant do anything right in life. im stressing out over nothing and it makes me go crazy. its like a mental breakdown. once in awhile it happens and when it happens ... its bad. its just so bad you'll probably just run for cover. i just want to die right now. its like mood swings. good one day, bad one day. sigh. its bad. this time its really bad. i dont like this feeling at all.

college was hell today. kitchen practical. i was the chef of the day and i had to run left right up down. getting the food ready for the college restaurant and all. it was just so intense. i couldnt take it. thank God i didnt blow infront of the whole class. i went to a quiet place to explode. little tears came out but it was all good. im still stressed over it. i dont know why. its just so bad. i feel so useless sometimes i feel like i always need someone next to me to guide me. like i can never do anything right in life. i feel like dying. die.

we all have a future. for me? i feel like i do ... but it wouldnt be a really good one. it would be full of ups and downs. the constant happiness and sadness at one go. never be one feeling very long. just ... mixed feelings throughout my life. i still do think of her. its so hard to let go. its just so hard.

i hate me. weird? why? try looking in the mirror everyday only to find a failure infront of you.

rick.